btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
