So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
