just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
