I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
