I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dick very happy bro
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
