why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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