Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
