she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
