Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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