The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
