Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
