how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize