mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
