Kiss
Puke
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
