Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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