Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
