i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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