Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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