Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
