I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
