will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
