I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
People with herpes should wear stickers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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