If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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