May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
