I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
