Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is wine microwaveable?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
