dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
