You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
