so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
