Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
