Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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