We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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