please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
