I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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