Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize