Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
