So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
COCAINE IS GR8
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
