That's intense
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
