I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
