I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
