sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
