I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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