If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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