Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
