Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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