I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
