Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
