belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we're making bets on your personal life
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
