Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She is in my trunk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
