he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
