Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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