Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize