can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please don't give away my fajitas
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
