I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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