went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
