This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize