i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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