My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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