Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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