I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
