I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
