one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i've created a new STD.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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