So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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