i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
