btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
