i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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