I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize