on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're too hungover to prance.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
