question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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