Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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