dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
