we have pet lesbian snakes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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