I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
