Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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